The Qur’an speaks of faith, prayer and the hereafter. But it also speaks of things we do every day: how we talk, how we greet, what we say about people who aren’t in the room. Here are some of the manners it teaches, most of them from one short surah.
The surah of manners
Eighteen verses. Five times “you who have believed”, then all of humanity.
- Towards the Prophet 1–5
- News 6–8
- Making peace 9–10
- With one another 11–12
- All humanity 13
- “O you who have believed”
Al-Hujurat, “The Rooms”, is the 49th surah of the Qur’an and only 18 verses long. It is sometimes called the surah of manners. Five times a verse opens with the call O you who have believed, and each time a rule of conduct follows: first towards the Prophet, then about news, then about making peace, and finally about how people speak of one another. Then, in verse 13, the circle widens: the call becomes O mankind.
Check before you pass it on
If news comes from a doubtful source: investigate.
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓاْ إِن جَآءَكُمۡ فَاسِقُۢ بِنَبَإٖ فَتَبَيَّنُوٓاْ أَن تُصِيبُواْ قَوۡمَۢا بِجَهَٰلَةٖ فَتُصۡبِحُواْ عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلۡتُمۡ نَٰدِمِينَ
O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful
The verse came long before social media, but it describes it well. News that travels fast without anyone checking it can harm a whole group of people. And what is left afterwards is regret.
Make peace
إِنَّمَا ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ إِخۡوَةٞ فَأَصۡلِحُواْ بَيۡنَ أَخَوَيۡكُمۡۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تُرۡحَمُونَ
The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy
Staying out of a quarrel is not enough. The verse asks people to step in and reconcile.
No mockery
The one you mock may be better than you.
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا يَسۡخَرۡ قَوۡمٞ مِّن قَوۡمٍ عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَكُونُواْ خَيۡرٗا مِّنۡهُمۡ وَلَا نِسَآءٞ مِّن نِّسَآءٍ عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَكُنَّ خَيۡرٗا مِّنۡهُنَّۖ وَلَا تَلۡمِزُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَلَا تَنَابَزُواْ بِٱلۡأَلۡقَٰبِۖ بِئۡسَ ٱلِٱسۡمُ ٱلۡفُسُوقُ بَعۡدَ ٱلۡإِيمَٰنِۚ وَمَن لَّمۡ يَتُبۡ فَأُوْلَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ
O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers
The reasoning is simple and humble: you don’t know who stands better before God. And the phrase translated “do not insult one another” literally says do not insult yourselves. Whoever speaks ill of another speaks ill of their own people.
Suspicion, spying and backbiting
Backbiting is likened to eating the flesh of a dead brother.
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱجۡتَنِبُواْ كَثِيرٗا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعۡضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثۡمٞۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُواْ وَلَا يَغۡتَب بَّعۡضُكُم بَعۡضًاۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمۡ أَن يَأۡكُلَ لَحۡمَ أَخِيهِ مَيۡتٗا فَكَرِهۡتُمُوهُۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٞ رَّحِيمٞ
O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful
Three steps, one after another. It starts with suspicion, suspicion leads to spying, and what the spying finds is told behind someone’s back. The verse stops the chain at its very start. And the image is strong on purpose: the one who is backbitten cannot defend themselves, any more than the dead can.
To know one another
Peoples and tribes are not there to rank people. They are there to get to know one another.
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقۡنَٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٖ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلۡنَٰكُمۡ شُعُوبٗا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓاْۚ إِنَّ أَكۡرَمَكُمۡ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتۡقَىٰكُمۡۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٞ
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted
Here the surah stops speaking to the believers alone and speaks to everyone. Different origins are no reason to look down on anyone, but a reason to get to know each other. And the only measure of nobility the verse names is one no person can measure in another.
A father’s advice to his son
Luqman advises his son: no arrogance, and a lower voice.
Arrogance
وَلَا تُصَعِّرۡ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمۡشِ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ مَرَحًاۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخۡتَالٖ فَخُورٖ
And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful
Luqmān 31:18
The voice
وَٱقۡصِدۡ فِي مَشۡيِكَ وَٱغۡضُضۡ مِن صَوۡتِكَۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ ٱلۡأَصۡوَٰتِ لَصَوۡتُ ٱلۡحَمِيرِ
And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys
Luqmān 31:19
Luqman, a wise man after whom surah 31 is named, gives his son advice there. It is everyday advice: don’t turn your face away from people, don’t walk as if you own the world, don’t speak louder than you need to. And the comparison at the end is hard to forget.
Greetings and permission
Greeting
وَإِذَا حُيِّيتُم بِتَحِيَّةٖ فَحَيُّواْ بِأَحۡسَنَ مِنۡهَآ أَوۡ رُدُّوهَآۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيۡءٍ حَسِيبًا
And when you are greeted with a greeting, greet [in return] with one better than it or [at least] return it [in a like manner]. Indeed, Allah is ever, over all things, an Accountant
An-Nisāʾ 4:86
Permission
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تَدۡخُلُواْ بُيُوتًا غَيۡرَ بُيُوتِكُمۡ حَتَّىٰ تَسۡتَأۡنِسُواْ وَتُسَلِّمُواْ عَلَىٰٓ أَهۡلِهَاۚ ذَٰلِكُمۡ خَيۡرٞ لَّكُمۡ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَذَكَّرُونَ
O you who have believed, do not enter houses other than your own houses until you ascertain welcome and greet their inhabitants. That is best for you; perhaps you will be reminded
An-Nūr 24:27
When someone greets you with as-salāmu ʿalaykum, “peace be upon you”, the custom is to answer with more: wa ʿalaykum as-salām wa raḥmatu llāh, “and upon you be peace and the mercy of God”. And other people’s homes are inviolable: you knock, greet, and wait to be invited in.
Not even “uff”
To elderly parents: not even a sigh.
۞وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّٖ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلٗا كَرِيمٗا
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word
The verse puts kindness to parents right after the worship of God. And it names the smallest possible impatience, a single sigh, at exactly the time when caring can be tiring: when parents grow old.
Peace
وَعِبَادُ ٱلرَّحۡمَٰنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَمۡشُونَ عَلَى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ هَوۡنٗا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ ٱلۡجَٰهِلُونَ قَالُواْ سَلَٰمٗا
And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace
The last picture draws it all together. Those the Qur’an calls the servants of the Most Merciful are known by how they walk and how they answer. Not by winning arguments, but by answering a harsh word with peace.